Media saturation surrounding the nuptials between Britain’s Prince Harry and America’s Meghan Markle could lead anyone to the drink. Here’s our serving suggestion for Saturday’s festivities. Crikey in no way endorses irresponsible consumption of alcohol.

Rules

Take a shot every time Meghan Markle is referred to as a “commoner”.

Take a shot every time you hear the word “pageantry”.

Take two shots every time a commentator mentions how much the wedding costs.

Take a shot for every mention of the history of Windsor Castle: vodka for William the Conqueror, scotch for the Magna Carta, gin for Henry VIII, brandy for the 1908 Olympic Marathon, apricot schnapps for the 1506 state visit of Philip I of Castile.

Take a sip of white wine every time someone says “suits”, meaning what the groom and his attendants are wearing.

Take a sip of red wine every time someone says “Suits”, meaning the TV show starring Meghan Markle.

Take a shot every time someone discreetly mentions the awful Markle family without directly calling them awful.

Down a bottle of Jack Daniels every time someone directly calls the Markle family awful.

Skull a beer for every sighting of Princess Michael of Kent.

Pour a can over the person next to you whenever you see the Queen smiling.

Whip up a round of margaritas every time someone mentions how proud Princess Di would be today.

Drink a mason jar of Baileys every time a bridesmaid looks bored.

Drink one shot for every stupid hat.

Drink two shots for every stupid face.

Drink three shots every time you see a man with a sword for no apparent reason.

Dunk your head in a sink of Bacardi every time visions of aristocratic blood running in the streets fill your head.