First Blog on the Moon

Mr Dog Goes to Canberra

Firstdog — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:57:03 +0000

I am going to Canberra to “report” on the last sitting week of Parliament for the year. I will be based in the Crikey office in the press gallery for a few days, will watch question time, will annoy Bernard Keane. Hilarious.

I will blog about it too. Here at firstblogonthemoon. I am quite excited.

I’m on a panel! And in a book!

Firstdog — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:26:09 +0000

It is all true.

Be there or be at home drunk on your couch loser, the choice is yours.

Forgery! Seal the compound! Cavity search everyone!

Firstdog — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 10:44:41 +0000

I have been lied to. Apparently someone on the internet has misrepresented not only themselves but this innocent dog.

I have received this email from Satan:

Hey Dawg,

Good to see you liked the portrait of Tyson and the rest of the family.

Best evaah!

I didn’t think you’d actually post it, but now that it’s up I should tell you I nicked it from a site called awkwardfamilyphotos.com (in case someone claims plagiarism or murdoch-style kleptomania).

I like the peace symbol on the trousers and the baby’s hand on the trigger.

I also loved ‘political correctness’ making custard. Do all abstract concepts made flesh have cute underbites?

So called “Chris”

Not only am I in shock, hurt and dismayed but also in shock. I suppose, due diligence and the internet and so on but who has the time to check for FRAUDULENT PET PHOTOS what kind of sick weirdo does that?! Now the donations from this blog will stop flowing to the Home for Wayward Lonely Urchins Who Are Hungry And Sad and it is your fault INTERNET CHARLATAN.

So that is it really, no more pets for you! Lying liars who lie!

I want the boys who did this to come and see me after assembly. You may think this is hilarious but it is not.

This is hilarious.

King Noodle

[Previous now not true post]

I love this photo.

I love that these creatures are all in the tub together. With a pink gun.

I don’t understand.

We mean you no harm

Attention Earthlings!

Firstdog — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 10:23:39 +0000

I have been quite busy

Firstdog — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:59:49 +0000

No really, I haven’t blogged in ages. I had the flu for a bit, and I was doing a video for Q and A which took three days! They normally only take one day. Whew!

Then there was the football – and we know how that went.

And then I did the Andrew Robb cartoon which (IMHO) was one of my best in ages and I always get a bit thingy after something like that.

And nobody liked the ant one. Bastards.

But people are still sending pet photos which is nice. It did get a bit weird there for a while. I will get round to them all eventually.

I am thinking of calling the next pet post “People too unstable to own pets, and their pets”. Which is hilarious. I am so funny.

It is actually a quote from a commenter but I can’t remember who.

Anyway.

Slobbering buffoons and their hideously deformed pets – 7

Firstdog — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 10:19:08 +0000

Enough! You are all parasites.

We start with Eloise and her deranged, anthropomorphised over-bred hounds. Or perhaps it is just one monstrously mutated two-headed dog covered up by a cheap polyester duvet from Target.

Half of Africa didn't have breakfast, but I put my ugly spaniels under the doona

Suddenly they are launched into Hyperspace where cryogenically frozen Walt Disney tries to fiddle with them.

Help, help. The father of Modern Animation is trying to have his way with me

This one is also Walt Disney Magic up the arse – ooh look, I am a clever graffiti cat! Oh no, the local council has stapled me to a wall

Meanwhile…

And the horror continues…

An ugly garden decoration

Animals who should be rescued from their drunken owners #57 Lovingly catalogued by First Dog On The Moon

Firstdog — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 07:13:32 +0000

I have been sent this photo by someone claiming to be “Alan”, it is of an angry monkey and has clearly been photoshopped.

If you look at it from this angle it is even more obvious that it is some kind of upside down angry monster bat ape confounded by its own reflection.

Meanwhile some other more disturbing images have been discovered.

Hilarious? No! The world is in terrible danger!

And this is fiendish! Which one is Keir Dullea? Which one is Hypo the creature from the crawlspace?

And this just in, I have been contacted by someone I made up who is going to send me one of the brand new GIANT RATS from an inactive volcano in Papua New Guinea! This is the GIANT BOSAVI WOOLLY RAT – it is possibly the BIGGEST RAT ON EARTH and it is my new best friend.

Hang on, I'm coming!

And then there was also this.

Is it you? It is you!

So take all your tame furry drug addicted failures to Domesticated Losers Anonymous and leave us alone. The World’s Biggest Rat and I would like to ask the media and the public to let us have some privacy at this difficult time.

Your stupid, crippled pets: their photos lovingly disfigured (number 17 in a series of at least 17)

Firstdog — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 06:11:18 +0000

See now what you have done? With your constant pet photo whining? I have become a defacer of pet photos

Rosemary suggests that her so-called “cat” is in fact the Virgin Mary and has been reincarnated as a petulant tabby with a fear of heights. Who’d have thought it?

I'm not coming down until you promise not immaculately concept me ever again

And look here! Marcel Marceau is reincarnated as this ugly animal! Apparently this diseased looking corgi border collie cross “Benji” thinks it is a cat. And a mime.

I am in a glass box.

This poor, terrified, earless creature is being tormented for simple and tawdry purpose of appearing on this very blog. It is allegedly known as Ned the Noodle, but it is clearly not a noodle of any variety at all. It is a Cannoli.

There is nothing more that needs to be said…

Firstdog — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:55:18 +0000

First Dog On the Moon, walking the walk…

This is the cartoon I am entering into the Walkleys

Firstdog — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 12:53:56 +0000

A Walkley entry requires a 400 word “accompanying statement”, which is not a requirement, but I have to say SOMETHING. Normally I would be able to string a few words together to help the judges understand why this is a work of unparalleled charm and hilarious topical magnificence that looms over Australian Cartooning like some kind of whimsical yet deadly mecha. But no, I am stuck.

It is a “statement of up to 400 words (maximum) outlining the case for consideration for an award. You may address the judging criteria and explain the circumstances in which the entry was produced.”

And the criteria for CARTOON is: Creativity, innovation, wit and style will ideally combine with newsworthiness and artistic technique for the winner of the best cartoon award.

So obviously I have it in the bag. However for some reason I simply am stuck for words and can’t get the statement together. Not normally a problem that I have.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually expect to win. But if I get nominated I am allowed to go to the Walkley dinner and the after party and we (Crikey) did go last year and we had an entirely excellent time. It was full of loads of famous people and I only irritated a few of them. (I wasn’t nominated last year but there was a lot of sooking so we got to go anyway – this year it is in Sydney so sooking will not help).

I asked on Twitter and I got some excellent ideas, however I still couldn’t string them together and it has been days. What is wrong with me? This is out of character, normally if I am asked to talk about myself I just go on and on and on and on and on. And on. For some reason I am having a terrible mental block about this and I have to get it in tomorrow or the next day. So eek!

I am starting with this…. “No one ever threw my bag on top of the bike shed, however Charlie Watts hit me on the legs really hard with a stick when I was in second grade. I was terrified for the entire time at Primary School. I thought this cartoon was hilarious when I drew it. Also poignant and terrible.”

And then I have another 350 words to go.

If you have any suggestions they would be appreciated. Unless they are crap. If you are actually helpful I might send you a First Dog On The Moon bookmark, unless that is against the rules.